My Child’s Kidney Transplant Story: Oliver Mayer
Oliver was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease when he was eight years old. His kidneys never really grew; the doctors don’t know why. We are an adoptive family, and we don’t have any information about the birth family. He didn’t really have any symptoms, but he had short stature, and when they started to investigate why he was so tiny, they discovered his kidneys had not developed.
In April 2021, when Oliver was about 20, they decided he needed to have a kidney transplant. At that point, I was not at all knowledgeable about the transplant process. I just assumed that when you got on the transplant list, there was some sort of algorithm that made people go up and down the list, and when you got to the top of the list, poof, you get a kidney. It doesn’t work that way.
I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a living kidney donor. I learned that the stats are so much more in the patient’s favor with a living donor versus a deceased donor. Once we realized we really needed to pursue a living kidney donor, we got educated on how to do that.
At first, we didn’t realize we had to do anything. Our first aha moment was when they handed us the business cards for Oliver’s microsite. We were like, what is this? They said, that’s for your microsite: you need to make sure it says what you want it to say. I was like, oh, WE need to find a kidney.
So our first task was to add the information we thought was important to have on the microsite. Our draft was approved, and the microsite went live in January 2022.
As important as the microsite was for us, at first we didn’t realize that not every kidney patient gets one. We had no idea that it was a special thing offered by the National Kidney Registry. What a blessing that was for us. It made a huge difference. Not only did it have Oliver’s story, it really walked potential donors through the process and had a form where they could register. Without the microsite, I don’t know how we would have gotten all of that information to potential donors so succinctly and easily.
Before the microsite was even live, we and several family members registered as potential donors and got tested. Sadly, we were all declined for medical reasons. That was another aha moment: we came to recognize that the process doesn’t happen in the blink of an eye. There are so many steps to make sure a candidate is the right candidate. The transplant team is serious about making sure donors are completely healthy before they can donate a kidney, which I respect.
Once the microsite was up, the next step was to get the story out on social media. I was never on social media: I never had a social media account, I had never even looked at a social media account. I had no idea what I was doing—I was like a deer in the headlights. The first thing we did was set up a Facebook page and post a video asking for help. This was a big step for our family because we had been so private before that.
We had read on a kidney search website that we should ask others to help get the word out. So I enlisted two of my sisters, my best friend, and her daughter to help create social posts and share them. We had three goals: 1) have information about Oliver so that people understood his personal situation, 2) educate people about living kidney donation, and 3) make it clear that if donation isn’t for you, we totally get that, but could you share his story and link? We knew Oliver’s kidney donor was out there somewhere—he or she just needed to see the information and respond to it.
We also regularly updated his microsite with new photos and new information. Each time the main photo is updated and the microsite link is posted on social media, that new photo shows up on social media posts. This helps create “stopping power” because it’s a new visual for readers to notice.
One of the most important things we did early on was create a vanity URL that pointed to the microsite. That was really key. People don’t remember a website with a bunch of digits, but they do remember Kidney4Oliver.com. We put that URL in every single communication.
We did a lot of posts on Facebook and Instagram. I created an email list of hundreds of friends and family members and sent out emails with Oliver’s information. We created flyers and put them on cars in parking lots and enlisted friends and neighbors to put them in mailboxes. We created a decal for our car. We went door to door in our town. I walked around our local town wearing a sandwich board. Every time I stepped out of my car with my sandwich board, I would think, ugh I don’t want to do this. Then I would think of my son, and I would think, OK, I don’t care if I’m humiliated.
At one point I said, I think we have to go broader because it seems like this is going to be a harder task than we thought. We decided to see if we could get some media attention. We invited 150 friends and family members to a minor league baseball game in our area. We paid for the tickets and just asked them to come be an encouragement to Oliver, make a lot of noise, and be a visual reminder.
Another friend designed green T-shirts that said Are You My Match?, which we handed out to everyone who came. We took up an entire section: all you could see was this sea of green T-shirts. It got a lot of attention. I called the ballpark ahead of time, and the team asked how they could help. They put Kidney4Oliver.com on the Jumbotron, they announced liver’s situation several times throughout the game, and they had him do the first pitch with the mascot. It was very attention-getting and encouraging to us!
I had reached out to local TV stations and newspapers, offering them a free ticket to the game and asking them to write about Oliver’s story if they found it interesting. After the game, someone from one of the local TV news stations reached out and said she was sorry she couldn’t come to the game, but to let her know if we had another event. I sent her a picture of me wearing a sandwich board and asked if this counted as an “event.” She responded by asking where and when. She interviewed Oliver and me, along with a previous living donor and a kidney transplant recipient—two people I never knew before we started this journey but who rallied with me and became Oliver’s advocates! The interview aired on the station’s health segment. The local newspaper also ran an article. We tried to pull every lever we could.
All the while, our church congregation surrounded us with love and attention and help. They were delivering flyers to their neighborhoods and holding prayer meetings to pray for our family and Oliver’s health. It was a young man from our church who ended up giving his kidney to Oliver. Apparently, being a part of that sea of green T-shirts at the baseball game somehow impacted him. He was there to support and encourage us as a church member—he wasn’t necessarily thinking he was going to be a donor. But it turned out that he was tested and approved before we ever knew he was thinking about donating. You never know what blessings are happening behind the scenes!
It really takes a special person to be a living donor, and their family as well. Oliver’s donor has a wife and a young son, and they were all in on this idea of donating! For me, the entire family having no hesitation about the donation was almost as much a blessing as Oliver receiving a new kidney. Our church rallied around the family and provided meals, rides and childcare for their son. It was a beautiful picture of humanity at its finest.
For anyone with a microsite, I suggest keeping it live even after the transplant. It can serve as a helpful example for other patients building their microsites and as a resource to help potential living donors learn more about donation.
Tammy Mayer
Oliver received his new kidney in January 2023. He is doing great, living an awesome life. And his donor and family are doing great too. We are in awe! God has truly held us in the palm of his hand!
For anyone with a microsite, I suggest keeping it live even after the transplant. It can serve as a helpful example for other patients building their microsites and as a resource to help potential living donors learn more about donation. It could also benefit the recipient if another donor is needed in the future.
About the Author
Tammy Mayer is a wife, mom, and Jesus follower. She worked in the pharmaceutical Industry for nearly 32 years until she retired. Now, she spends time with her husband cruising the waters of the Chesapeake on a boat in the summers and enjoying the beautiful beaches near their home in Florida in the winters. Tammy loves cooking, gardening, and spending time with her family and friends. She loves to laugh, and she knows that she’s incredibly blessed!