How Do I Follow Up With People Who Say They Were Going to Be Tested As Potential Donors?
If you are looking for a living kidney donor and have shared your need with friends and family, hearing someone say they will get tested can feel like a huge moment of hope. But as time passes and you don’t hear anything, you may wonder whether it’s OK to follow up.
The application process for kidney donation is usually anonymous, so even if you have a microsite that tracks how many people have registered as a potential donor, you won’t know who those people are. That means you may be unsure how to find out whether someone who said they would be tested has actually started the process.
Navigating these conversations is emotionally delicate, and it can be difficult to know what to do or say. While you are understandably eager to see whether you are any closer to finding a donor, you also want to respect boundaries and not appear pushy or ungrateful. Here’s how to follow up thoughtfully and maintain your relationships throughout the process.
1. It’s OK to follow up, but tone is important
Before anything else, remember that even considering being tested as a donor is an incredibly generous gesture. When you follow up with people who said they would be tested, be sure to convey your deep appreciation. That keeps the tone positive and reassures them that you value their kindness and support, no matter what their decision.
Sample phrasing: “I really appreciate that you were open to getting tested as a donor—it meant so much to me that you would even consider helping me in this way.”
2. Acknowledge that kidney donation is a big decision
Be clear that you understand that donating a kidney, and even being tested as a potential donor, is a significant commitment and a very personal choice. Sometimes people have every intention of being tested but change their mind for emotional, medical, or practical reasons.
Sample phrasing: “I completely understand this is a big decision, and I don’t want you to feel pressured. I just wanted to check in to see if you were still thinking about it.”
3. Offer to provide resources or answer questions
Sometimes hesitation comes from confusion about the process, or barriers that National Kidney Registry programs can address. Offering additional information, without sounding like you’re pushing, can help.
Sample phrasing: “I’m not sure if you are still considering being tested as a donor, but I wanted to let you know that I am available if you have any questions or need any additional resources.”
Potential resources to share:
- Donor Shield, which offers reimbursement for lost wages and donor expenses, such as travel and dependent care (/www.donorshield.com)
- The Choose Donation website, which offers information for donors as well as stories from people who have donated a kidney or liver (www.choosedonation.com)
- The National Kidney Registry’s Kidney Donor Blog, which offers a wealth of information for potential donors (https://www.kidneyregistry.com/for-donors/kidney-donation-blog)
- Donor mentors, who are available to all donor candidates who sign up for the donation process through the National Kidney Registry (https://www.choosedonation.com/donor-mentors)
4. Follow up once, then let it go
A single, kind message is usually enough. If you haven’t heard back after reaching out once, it’s best to cross that person off your list of potential donors. The last thing you want is for someone to feel guilt or stress around your request.
Sample phrasing: “I value our relationship, and I don’t want to pressure you, so this will be the only time I ask you about donating. Whatever you decide, I just want to thank you for thinking of me.”
5. Protect your emotional well-being
It’s normal to feel disappointed or hurt if someone doesn’t follow through, but try to remind yourself that donor testing isn’t easy for everyone. People often care deeply but may not be ready to move forward for personal or medical reasons. Your goal is to stay positive, keep sharing your story, and trust that the right donor will come forward in time.
6. Lean on your support system
Connecting with others who have been through the kidney donor search process can make a big difference. Many have faced the same uncertainty and can share what worked for them when following up with potential donors. If you’re unsure how to handle a conversation, your microsite coach or another trusted support resource can help you find the right words.
